Anna Duggar Did Everything "Right"

Anna Duggar did everything right*.

She was raised in a conservative Christian home.

She dressed modestly, and when she met Josh they practiced courtship instead of traditional dating.

She married with her parent’s blessing.

She saved her first kiss for marriage.

She became the ultimate submissive wife.

She spoke honorably of her husband, and always stood by his side.

When he committed adultery against her, she forgave him and remained in the marriage (despite evidence to show the behavior did not stop).

She became his accountability partner for his addiction.

She gave him lots and lots of sex, and birthed seven children for him.

She clung to her faith when her marriage began to fall apart, and prayed earnestly for her husband.

Anna did everything right*. And yet, tragically, everything went so, so wrong. Five years after his adulterous secret life was revealed, her husband will be tried on November 30th for charges of receiving and possessing child sex abuse material.

While Anna certainly is a victim of her unfaithful husband, let’s not forget she is also a victim of a toxic belief system that has been engrained into her by fundamentalist Christianity for the entirety of her life.

How many more stories like Anna need to happen before the fundamentalist church realizes that their messages concerning submission, sex, divorce, purity culture, and patriarchy, aren’t working?

After all, Anna did everything she was told to do to be guaranteed a safe and happy marriage. Perhaps, maybe, the problem isn’t Anna but instead the fact that she married an abusive man and the church refused to give her the support she needed to remain safe?

When will the church face the fact that the good/godly actions of one spouse cannot change the abusive behavior of another spouse?

When will they realize that the brazen promises of the purity movement and courtship movement are flawed and empty?

When will the church start telling women like Anna that there is nothing a wife can do to make her abusive husband change?

When will they tell her that giving him more sex will not cure his addiction?

When will they tell her that practicing courtship will not divorce-proof or affair-proof her marriage?

When are they going to start telling her that his abuse is not her fault?

When are they going to tell her that by leaving an abuser and protecting her kids, she is not breaking her marriage vows (after all, he was the one break the covenant)?

When are they going to tell her that God cares about her safety and her children’s safety, and that He created divorce as a means of protecting the vulnerable?

Until the church starts changing its message to these victims and stops pointing the blame on them and telling them that they just need to submit more, or pray more, or give him more sex, women will continue to stay in these abusive marriages, believing that it’s God’s will for them and they have no other choice.

Josh Duggar is not the only one who needs to be held accountable for their actions, the church does as well.

~ Emily Elizabeth Anderson

* Right as in what the church told her what was the “right” thing to do in order to please God. Which in reality, is not healthy or safe or true at all.